I’m Tired and Weak Lord!
Author: Pat Aman
5/20/2019
This devotion is long. And it only tells about one-fourth of the circumstances of my journey, but I hope it helps you to hang on…
God’s got this……..
Have you ever felt this way?
I have felt this way many times. And it was not because I did not have faith in God, but my body had been ravaged with sickness and pain.
Judges 6:14-16 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”“But Lord,” Gideon asked, “how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.”
I had been extremely active in my younger days. I played on our church softball team. Antioch Baptist Church for many years. I was the catcher. And this is hard. You are constantly up and down. You legs and knees are working overtime. As well as your arms, catching and throwing the ball.
I was also very active in my church, teaching Sunday School, youth ministries and Girls Auxiliary. And had a full time job.
In 1976, I met my husband and we then worked together in our own business, and were involved in our community, church and even sponsored a local baseball team. They were called Aman’s Auto Parts.
I also became the women’s coach for a local community team called Archie’s Angels. Named after Mr. Archie Parrish who owned the first Drug Store in Newton Grove, NC. The drug store is now under ownership of dear friends, Thomas and Son, Joey Williford.
I also was a full-mother, as well as working alongside beside husband.
We were active in our local church and active 4-H leaders. We were awarded Leaders of the year, by Governor James Hunt for our work with youth in the state of North Carolina.
I myself, also went to seminary studies through the International Pentecostal Holiness Church and received my Mission License, Minister License, Christian Education Credentials, and Ordination Credentials. In others words many long years of studies and going through the Local Conference of the North Carolina IPHC, to take my tests. As well as going before the conference board to be accepted.
And back then you did not have computers to read and do testing on. You studies and read the books required and went personally to the conference office classroom and took your test in person.
I am not telling you this to brag, but to show you how active we were.
But, life started changing. We sold our business and my husband went to work with Best Access Systems, and now going on 31 years, he still works for the same company. I started teaching in the local county school systems.
God allowed me to also start a pre-school, school, After School Care, and Summer Camp for a local church.
But in 2002 my life started changing. I started teaching GED for a Community College. Everything was great, but then my health started changing. My colon rupture. I wore a colostomy bag for a while, but praise God, I was able to have it reversed.
But, I no longer was able to work full time, due to my body slowing down because of my chronic illnesses with my intestinal issues.
From 2004-2006, I suffer through surgeries again. I ended up living over two years with surgical MRSA, then surgical E-coli. I had open wounds that had to be packed and dressed daily. I had drain tubes from several places in my abdomen.
But, again, the grace of God bought to through.
God allowed me to physically be able to travel back and forth to Louisiana to help my sister with my mama and her declining health. And the last six months stay a majority of that time with my sister and mama. Then our precious mama made her Heavenly Journey home in October 2008.
After then my health did pretty good. I was still able to visit my sweet sister in Louisiana and help her when needed.
In 2012 my body came to a screeching halt! Life as I knew it had ceased to exist, again. I was forcing myself to go and be active, but I felt like crap… There is no other word for it…
By this point I have had a total of over 12 surgeries. Hoping that there would be no more.
But, I started seeking a doctor to see why, I had gain up to 321 pounds.
Every doctor I went too, said they would not you touch me with a ten foot pole. That there was no help for me.
But, the last doctor finally said, “I know a doctor who I think can help you. He gave me his name, I made an appointment and when I entered his office, he looked and me, and said I was walking death.
He sent me straight to the hospital for tests. And the very next morning, I went into surgery.
The surgery lasted about 10 hours. I came out of surgery a very sick women.
They told my family my stomach had adhered to my liver. And everything I ate was going out of my stomach, into my small intestines, and then returning back into my stomach a fistula. I was literally being poisoned by my own body.
I stayed in the hospital over three weeks. They did not expect me to ever leave.
And on top of this, they were giving me a medicine that was making me have hallucinations.
My daughter keep telling then, that is not my mama in that bed.
They realized it finally. Narrowed down the cause, and I was able to think once again.
When the doctor came by one morning I told him I wanted to go home. They did not want me to go, but I was determined.
Now folks, God was still on His throne. He was working in the background.
My family was tired. My family was upset. They needed help. And God knew it.
We had good friends who were in the ministry. They were the Evangelist Singing Group, “Still Amazed.”
They called Joe and said that they had a couple weeks open in their schedule and they wanted to help. So, our precious friend took her time of rest, by flying up and taking care of me. And it was not an easy task.
I was not walking steady, not eating, and I was very depressed.
I felt defeat. I thought my life and ministry was over because of my chronic illness.
I was weary and tired. I was too weak and no longer as “stable are clear” minded as I used to be.
I had trouble remembering scriptures. I gave up.
But Praise God, he had other plans. He let me know that he was not finished with me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
God has allowed me me continue to do His work.
Coffee With Pat, is a glory to God. And writing books. Who would have ever thought I would write children’s books, and devotional books.
So, as I read in Judges tonight. I realize, when I am at my weakest, is when God is at his strongest. He is working overtime for me, and YOU!
Judges 6:14-16 we read that Gideon could only see his limitations and weaknesses in spite of God’s clear promise for strength, in so doing he failed to see how God could work through him..
Even though God promises us the tools and strength we need to serve Him, like Gideon, we often make excuses. When we remind God of our limitations we are implying that He does not know all our circumstances and challenges.
When life claps us in the face due to health or other difficult situations in our lives, God will always open another path for us to continue to serve Him.
I still have one more surgery to go through. Well, maybe not. I know God will continue to heal my body.
I am so glad the Lord opens doors for me to serve Him in my life’s journey.
It does not matter how depressed, oppressed, weak, poor, sick, or whatever the challenge we may have, God will give us the ability we need right now to help us, build others up, and share to them, His saving grace and mercy.
Devotion Written By: Pastor Pat Aman Book © 1996/2019“Coffee With Pat Daily Devotionals”and Christian Faith Publishers”
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